TAME YOUR BRAIN
FOR A BATTLE (LEGAL OR OTHERWISE)
By Kiné Corder, MA, NCC
You win some and you lose some, that’s what they say. But high achievers play to win, period, dot, bottom line. Losing is not an option. High-achievers love winning much more than they hate losing. And that’s why they usually do it. They put everything they have into winning, every time.
As a therapist who’s worked with attorneys, athletes, soldiers, doctors, entrepreneurs, and other high-achievers, I’ve seen this drive to win lead to impairment. Cortisol levels go up as stress levels soar. Serotonin levels go down as the sense of satisfaction, happiness, and well-being subsides.
The elevated stress causes inflammation to increase in the body, the immune system to weaken, and the body to become more susceptible to disease. This goes mostly undetected, but what the high achiever can often experience are the physical pains like headaches, neck tightening, and shoulder stiffness. The mental pressure can cause high achievers to lose sleep, friends, and even direction. The cost of winning can be expensive if you don’t know how to tame your brain during a battle.
What’s a battle feel like:
During a legal battle, all parties want to win. Attorneys want to keep their good record, plaintiffs want justice, while defendants want their freedom, dignity, and reputation. Even the judge wants to feel like a winner during a legal battle. Every once in a while, there’s a win-win-win-win situation, however, that’s rare. In most cases, someone gets what they want while the others get less than their fair share. It becomes even more stressful when it’s a zero-sum game. Winning at the end feels good, but that doesn’t mean it feels good along the way. Each case comes with a series of deadlines, court dates, and discoveries. And with all of that comes a rollercoaster of emotions. But what if instead of a rollercoaster it was more like a train ride. You may not be the conductor, but at least you know all the stops. When you can tame your brain, you’re able to smooth out some of the emotional reactions.
What you’re up against:
The biggest problem when it comes to a battle, especially a legal battle, is you don’t know what’s going to happen. Even if you’re the attorney, you know the process, but you don’t know the outcome. And when you’re not the attorney or the judge, the process is a bit confusing, and you feel like nobody cares about winning as much as you do. Even though you have a team, you feel like you’re by yourself.
Here is the second problem, you get so focused on the specific end goal that you lose patience, flexibility, and reason along the way. This behavior causes you to shut down, and close off, and creates more divisiveness, which makes you feel more alone.
The third problem is, you can lose sight of what’s really important to you, depending on how long the battle is. The longer the battle the more likely you are to lose sight. You start listening to outsiders who don’t know your desires. People project their fears onto you and the battle becomes War World III with total disregard for human life, including your own. It can become a suicide mission.
I’ve worked with people through 10-year cases, battles dealing with traumatic experiences, cases against really powerful people, and they were all equally stressful. Most people don’t consider getting a therapist to manage their emotions during a battle until the stress becomes unbearable.
Even though going through a battle alone isn’t wise or healthy, most high achievers believe they can handle it on their own. A legal battle can last years while draining your bank account and energy. TAME YOUR BRAIN therapy is a great way to manage your emotions, and expectations, and it feels good to know you have someone on your side, going through it with you. Even if you don’t hire your own therapist to guide you through the process and help you navigate your emotions as well as the ups and downs, you can use some of the same tools I use in my private practice. I’ll share them with you.
Things you need to tame your brain:
When you are experiencing a battle in life, legal or otherwise, there are three important things that can help you manage your emotions and the emotions of those around you. I’m sharing 3-high level ideas you can use, but if you ever have questions, you can message me on LinkedIn or Instagram (@kinecorder) to get clarification. I always answer, but it may take a day or 2. You also invite you to visit my website there might be a source that can help, or you can call our office at 888-452-TAME.
TAME YOUR BRAIN therapy tips:
Control the Controllable – Get very clear on what is within your control and what is not. I’ll give you a clue; you don’t control other people and you don’t control events. The only thing you truly have control over is yourself, and even that is limited. That’s why you’ll need to spend time getting to know two more things when it comes to controlling the controllable.
Know your role in the battle and how you can give your all to that role. The second one is very important, know what you want. I mean really want. Not the things that would be a fleeting pleasure. Nor the things that you don’t care about, but you know would hurt the other people. I’m talking about the things that bring meaning to your life. Things worth fighting for. It can just be about money or power. It must mean more than that or else you won’t really feel satisfied at the end. If you make it about money or power you won’t feel like a winner on the inside, even if you do win on the outside.
Track the progress – You want to win, so all you can think about is the end. There are so many battles to win along the way and you need to be aware of them. Track every win and celebrate them. Study the strategy when you don’t win and adjust it. This will give you the shot of dopamine you need to keep going. It will help lower your cortisol and keep your serotonin flowing.
You may be looking for perfection in each part of the battle, but that isn’t realistic or likely. The best way to tame your brain is to put progress over perfection. Everything isn’t going to go your way. Don’t let that shock you, stop you, or bring you down. In a boxing match both fighters get punched. By taming your brain, you can endure the punches and punch back harder. So, celebrate your wins by remembering that every punch, block, and weave count.
Don’t do it alone – I can count how many boxing matches I’ve actually watched but I’m going to continue with this analogy because I’ve seen so many of my TAME YOUR BRAIN members benefit from this way of thinking. There are two things that happen in a boxing match that you can apply to your battle. One is to use your pauses wisely. When you are in your corner, prepare for the next round. Don’t waste time crying and complaining. Feel the pain, acknowledge it, but don’t stay stuck and focused on it. The second thing is, listen to your coach and respect wise counsel, even if you are the attorney. Your coach is on the outside looking in and they can see things you can’t. Everyone needs a guide. It could be a therapist, a colleague, or someone who has gone through something similar. Find someone you can trust to call you out when you’re headed in the wrong direction and someone to cheer you on when the path gets dark. Build a team you can trust.
Lastly, let me give you this bonus tip. Don’t make your team your enemy. Find the right people to go into battle with and trust them to play their role. Remember you are the leader but making decisions for yourself does not mean making decisions by yourself. Utilize your team appropriately.
Keep your head on straight by using these tips that I’ve shared with you. Pass them on to your team so that you’re all on the same page. You can win when you tame your brain and you can do it with less stress and more satisfaction. So, the next time you are preparing for a battle, tame your brain. You’ll be so happy you did.
You can check out my article on finding meaning over money in the last issue of Real Vegas magazine here: realvegasmagazine.com/searchformeaningovermoney/
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